I had a problem. No matter where I turned, I was always giving my energy away. Do you do that? Support everyone around you, emotionally and energetically? Feeling and blessing them constantly, only to feel neglected and looked down upon when you engage with them?
Here I was, uplifting them so they could feel amazing, only to be treated as someone less valuable than them. I was all give and no take. So stick with me in this post. We are going to focus on bringing back your incredible light energy and stop playing small in your life.
I am a strong believer that giving is more important than receiving. I tell my kids to be generous and it will come back ten-fold, but it gets to a point where you have nothing left for yourself. And when there is nothing left for yourself, bad things are going to happen. To everyone.
I felt this shift. Something was feeling off to me. I knew that I had given others more energy than they knew what to do with. But instead of being humble and grateful, the energy had turned them into feeling as though they were better than everyone else around them, including me. This is not always their fault, and I have yet to really break this down to understand the interaction of our energies, but I'm working on it.
As I reflected on this I realized that there was a pattern here. Once I had given away all my energy, all my light, there was nothing left for me. I began to feel as though my own life was lacking. I was sluggish and not fulfilling my own dreams. Instead, I was feeding the people around me with no thought of myself.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn't support your friends and family. Doing so is a wonderful thing and I believe it is a must; but when you take your foot off your own gas pedal to fuel another ego — well, that always backfires. You see it all the time in relationships- one person sets out on the journey to fulfill their dreams and the other partner supports them through the entire process, only to be discarded at the end.
Once I realized that I was just giving away my life force, (and you will know you're doing this because it’s like a punch to the gut) I knew I had to pull my energy back in and give myself a little “me time”. Not that kind of me time, but that doesn’t hurt either. 😉
So first, I cried. Then I cried some more. Then I cried because I felt angry at myself. Then I was sad again. And then mad again that I had allowed myself to be fed on like a plate of pasta at a carb festival. Then I cried again.
And this was only the first 3 minutes.
Take a moment to watch my video here about Reconnecting to your Core Store. I share tips as well as my experiences in a short video. (Just in case your get tired of reading 🙂
Once I let these emotions wash through me, unabashedly, without holding them or without identifying with them, I knew I had to take a dose of my own medicine- all the tips and tools that I share right here with you amazing people, my tribe!
First, I knew I had to be alone. My inner-critic and my vicious inner bodyguards were out. They were ready to fight, argue, and attack anyone that was in my way. My husband could feel my entourage of protectors ready to launch a fight. I could hear his balls shriveling up from across the room. He knows to stay away from me when this side of me is out.
So I took my dog for a walk to get some alone time and some space. And fortunately for me, I can do so in nature.
As I walked, I began to command all of my energy that I had left with other people, in other places to come back to ME.
After stopping for the dog to sniff every patch of new grass it walked on, I chanted in my head, “Bring all my energy back to me clean and clear. Bring all my energy back to me clean and clear.”
I kept saying this under my breath. And I said it with all my passion of being angry and feeling used. Slowly, I started to shift those emotions into passion, into strength, into power. Then feeling and imagining my energy flowing to me effortlessly filling every part of my being up. I’m no longer playing small. If you can’t handle the light, then go play in another room. This was a great way to focus my intention. And as you can see intention is key to everything we do, people.
Again, I commanded, “bring all my energy back to me clean and clear.”
After about 20 minutes of this, I started to feel a little better. I started to feel my energy return to me. I wanted to do more for myself. I had my headphones in so I could listen to a meditation, but instead, the universe brought me a video by Sadhguru. It was called, “How Not to Let Ugly Situations Mess You Up.” You can watch it HERE.
I love this guy. I love listening to people that just resonate with me. I can feel that his intentions are good and so are his messages. As I listened to his video, I was instantly reminded that it doesn’t matter what happens to you, or what other people say. What matters is how you choose to react.
I reminded myself that I was not a victim, instead, I was simply playing that old program again. You know, the one that says, “don’t be too bright, don’t show that you know too much, play small, and just be quiet and let someone else do it, or you're going to get in trouble.” That program is bullshit to me!
You cannot be successful and give away all your energy. I’m not talking about giving away love, I’m not talking about caring too much, I’m talking about your personal energetic sacrifice that you are making because you're running a subconscious program that says, “if you are too powerful, if you are number one, no one will love you. You will be alone and discarded.”
And again... that’s bullshit.
So, as his video continued, I continued to bring my light back to me -- filling myself back up every step of my walk. Well at least in between bending over and picking up my dog’s shit. But reminding myself to be in the moment with all my fucking senses.
By the time I finished doing this, I felt whole again. I continued to walk with ease and in the spirit of self-care. I reminded myself of all the things I preach here: I am not my emotions. I am not this body. I am light having a fucking human experience.
Truth be told, I wasn’t ready to jump in and be one hundred percent grateful yet, even after all of this. It was more like I had shifted into neutral. Although my face looked like Rocky Balboa fighting his last match because I was so puffy from crying earlier. Or I was stung by a bee, I can’t remember. It doesn’t matter, at least I wasn’t carrying around all those toxic feelings anymore.
When I got home, I was fortunate that I was greeted by my smiling daughter whom I was able to give a big hug. I no longer carried those negative emotions from before and I was able to receive her love freely and openly.
Now, here is the magic part. While I was walking I booked two clients, and then another two while making myself a cup of coffee when I got home. How cool is that? Just by bringing back my energy and not pushing away my feelings, but purging them instead, it actually brought me success. A small success, but still a good success. Imagine what more I can do!
Listen, we’re all in this together, playing and trying to figure shit out. But if I can give you one piece of advice from all this, don't play small for other people. Don't dim your light to make others feel comfortable. Because when you're breathing your last breath, no one cares or can see that you sacrificed your light for nothing. Being small, or invisible, doesn’t get you a ribbon in the end.
Live your life to the fullest. Live as an example. Choose to be happy. Choose to be you. Make your own experiences. Don’t be a virtual lighthouse for other people to siphon off of your soul.
I hope this gives you the permission you need to bring your energy back to you so you can shine like a mother f@#$er. Because trust me, it feels good! With that, know that you will find a tribe that will match your new frequency, and hopefully, that tribe is with us.
Until next time, I’m Marisa Grieco, Your Mystical Guide.